So much of parenting is actually about the parents. Here are 10 subtle things that parents do that makes parenting hard.  We all do these things at some time!

1. Talk to our kids before they are listening; for some reason we think because we speak they listen. Instead make eye contact before you speak – make sure you have their attention.

2. Assume they’ve understood; just because you thought you were clear and they should understand doesn’t mean they have. Check that they know what you mean. Get them to repeat it back before they go and do anything.

3. Forget our manners; just because you are the parent, or the adult does not mean you can just be demanding or demeaning. Remember they are people too – use your please and thank you’s, interrupt them respectfully, look them in the eye, smile when you greet them etc.

4. Give negative instructions rather than positive; it is much easier to say, “Stop it!” or “Don’t do that”. Instead give children full instructions on what to do. “Please stand still”, “Please hold that with 2 hands”, “Please use inside voice”.

5. Make everything about obedience, though obedience is important they’ll soon tune out. Sometimes diligence, or self-control, or orderliness might be better character traits to focus on. To be self governed our children need more life skills than obedience.

6. Remember their wrong doings and mistakes – don’t forgive and forget. True forgiveness means they start with clean slate after every heart issue is discussed and resolved. When a relationship is restored we need to give them hope that they can do better, hope that they can grow.

7. Correct them publicly and loudly. There comes a time when we really need to respect the dignity of their personhood (at least by 5). Heart issues are a private matter – how do you feel if someone exposes your bad heart in public. Our kids are people too.

8. Distracted with our own world. In order to be consistent we must be aware and alert – this means we cannot afford to get absorbed in our own world – our own conversations, entertainments, activities, or thoughts. Even when the kids are working or playing independently we need to be aware of the choices they are making and the heart that is driving those choices.

9. Stingy in our Encouragement – Our children thrive on encouragement. We should be giving more praise than corrections, on a daily basis. The key is to encourage our children on the choices they make – the character based choices and effort – regardless of the outcome.

10. Nag, threaten, remind – above all – don’t nag: let your yes, be yes and your no be no. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Keep to your word – if you don’t mean it – don’t say it. All these reminders are to help us be active in our parenting – parenting isn’t something we can do verbally, parenting needs action.

 

quote

You could be forgiven in thinking that if you don’t do these things that make parenting hard then maybe parenting would be easy. It would be nice if that was the case. There is no quick fix, or magical formula for parenting success. But yes, I believe if we start practicing the opposite of these 10 actions we will make life easier for us, and more heart focused and relationship focused for our kids. Worth a try! I can’t promise easy – but I can say it will be easier.

Over to you:

Do you connect with any of these 10?  Any thoughts on how to stop?

1 Comment

  1. Michelle

    So on point Belinda! I’m just re starting again to try and focus more on enjoying life with my kids rather than box ticking to get hrough a difficult.home life situation. Thankyou…

    Reply

Let me know your thoughts...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Further Reading:

How to Help your Children Hear You, instead of Blah, blah, blah:  Our children hear different words when we react to when we respond. Do your children hear blah blah blah when you correct them? Includes a parenting poster.

The Only Thing to do When you Don’t Know What to Do:  Who do you turn to when you don’t know what to do? God? Friends? Internet.

Do You Want an Intentional, Relational, Heart Focused Family Life? When you have an intentional, relational, heart focused family life you give yourself an opportunity to shape your children’s character and guide their convictions.

quote:

Do you need help in your Family?

Hi! I’m Belinda

About Me

Belinda and her husband, Peter, live in the far north-west of Australia on a small farm. They have four adult children whom they homeschooled from prep-year 12. Over this time Belinda has taught and supported women both face to face and online. Her heart is to encourage families to be intentional, relational and heart focused in all areas of family living. She continues to do this in her new season of life – as her kids leave home one by one leaving her with more time.

Certified Life Coach
Frustrated parents, angry child: 10 ways we make parenting hard
parent and child walking: 10 ways we make parenting hard
Individual Education Planning Worksheets - brainstorming every area of your child's life.

Get your Planning Worksheets

I will email you the download link so you can start looking at all the different spheres of your child's life before you make any curriculum choices. 

The download link is on it's way.

An Alternative to Chocolate

An Alternative to Chocolate

Not that I have anything against chocolate - but these jelly beans can help your kids share the message of Jesus, his love, death and resurrection at Easter time.  

The download link is on it's way.

Parent Guide: How to make your Family Bible Study Really Work

Family Bible Study is Tricky with all the Different Ages

 

But there is a way to make this a rich learning and bonding family time.  This Guide includes tips, planning worksheet, and discussion prompts.  

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download yourCharacter Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download your Character Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

The download link is on it's way.

Download your Cheat Sheet

 

A quick reference to help you discern between a heart attitude and a lack of skill for when your child loses it!

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on its way.

Three things for parents to pray for in the Moment.

Make God your First Response

Print out this parenting reminder to call out to God in the middle of the moment.

I'm excited to share this download with you. Watch your inbox.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

 

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Our children hear different words when we react to when we respond. Do your children hear blah blah blah when you correct them? Includes a parenting poster.

Download Parenting Poster

 

When we Respond instead of React we find a way to deal with the heart not just behaviour.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Character Lesson Guide

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

When family relationships get tense - look for the niggles.

Heart Focused Parenting Resource for the Intentional Parent

 

Your download will arrive in your inbox shortly. 

Print it out and use to teach the hearts of your kids.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Hearts: Heart focus homeschool

Email Course

Daily emails  (6 days) to help you walk towards being a heart focused homeschool family!

You have joined the email course. Watch your email inbox!

Find ways to Re-engage your Student

Download this checklist and stir your child's curiosity

Watch your Inbox - the Checklist is on it's way!

Stay Heart Focused

 

When you parent the heart, the tone of your family will change. 


Weekly Heart Boost emails with practical and encouraging ideas to be heart focused in all areas of family life.

Thank you for inviting me to be a part of your family journey. I'll be in touch.

FREE Parenting Worksheet

This worksheet will help you move from addressing behaviour to really parenting the heart, one issue at a time.

 

 

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Parenting Support Library

Join now for extra and regular heart focus family living support.
Weekly emails and bonus content straight to your email inbox.

 

 

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Become a Better Parent

Personal growth starts with an honest assessment

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Give Effective Consequences

Think before you React

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

 

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

One Another Verses

Be Intentional in the Teen Years

Use this Cheat Sheet to remind you of how you can love your teen.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Devotion Response Kit cover

Download your Devotion Response Kit

5 prompts to encourage the heart of your child as they learn to respond to God's Word

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Prepare a Heart focused Christmas

 

Free email course

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download your copy

Download your copy

Blending Life and Lessons - and start your journey of changing your thinking about education.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Download: One Another Verses pdf

Download: One Another Verses pdf

Download this list of One Another verses and teach your children how to love others.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Raising Kids with Character

ATTEND LIVE : FREE PARENTING WORKSHOP

A bonus for Heart Booster readers:  Learn how to teach character to your kids so that they can live their lives making values-based choices.

 

Live Session:  5th May 2021, 6.30pm AWST

Replay available until 16th May 2021

 

I'm so excited about this workshop - thanks for joining me!

Raising Kids with Character

REPLAY OPTION : FREE PARENTING WORKSHOP

A bonus for Heart Booster readers:  Learn how to teach character to your kids so that they can live their lives making values-based choices.

 

Replay available from 6th May until 16th May 2021

 

I'm so excited about this workshop - thanks for joining me!

Raising Kids with Character

WAITLIST

 

The Raising Kids with Character parenting workshop will be offered again this year - details yet to be confirmed.  Join the waitlist so you don't miss out. 

I will keep in you in the loop as soon as decisions have been made!

Join Heart Boost and gain access to de•vot•ed free for 1 month

 

Connecting everyday living with the Word of God

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Bonus Reading list

 

Sharing my Homeschool Belief File

Knowing what you believe and why about education and homeschooling helps you make good decisions.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

%d bloggers like this: