Though we don’t want to be results driven we do want to see our kids change. What can we do when we don’t see change, or growth happening in our kids?
The first question to ask is: Why not? But an intentional parent will take it one step further and ask: What am I going to do about it?
Let us not become weary in doing good,
for at the proper time
we will reap a harvest
if we do not give up.
We are taught – either consciously or subconsciously by the culture that we live in – that we have to have results. Results matter. Results mean success. Results mean we’ve made it.
As a parent this is daunting – so often we don’t see results of our efforts – does this mean we are a failure? The sublime message of society, gives us that impression. But God doesn’t. God talks about seasons – a time for planting and a time for harvest. He also says if we don’t give up, if we don’t become weary in doing good, at the proper time we will reap a harvest. That’s encouraging.
The first principle is though that we have to plant – the seed has to go in, the farmer has to do the hard work and then the harvest will come. The question we have to ask ourselves is – are we doing the hard work, are we persevering or have we given up?
Second issue for the farmer is that there may not be rain in due season and the harvest will be under threat. I have five key points to look at when we are not getting results – when we are not seeing the change we desire in our kids.
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5 Things to do when you Don’t see Change in Your Kids
1–Know your vision, set your goals:
We don’t see change when we don’t know our vision. When we don’t know what we are aiming for we will be spasmodic, erratic and disjointed in anything that we do. We miss the opportunity to build on a foundation. We need to know what we want to teach to our children, and we need to know when we are going to teach it.
Read: Do you know your Why?
We don’t see change when we are inconsistent as we loose ground faster than we gain ground. The more battles our kids win, the weaker they see us and they lose respect for our words, our expectations and even our authority. We lack consistency because we don’t know the “why” behind the things we try to teach or do. We therefore lack conviction. A conviction will motivate consistency.
3–We need to teach not lecture
We don’t see change when we lecture instead of training. Training gives us the opportunity to instil values in our kid’s hearts. We settle for external conformance and that won’t help them in the long run – they need God’s Word in their heart, so they can make decisions to walk that way for themselves. Remember the sequence of training our children is: model, teach/instruct, practice, and then expect.
We don’t see change when we don’t expect our children to be responsible for the things they have learnt. When we have low expectations that is what we’ll get. When we continue to prompt, remind, encourage, and guide our children in the things they really do know we inhibit them from rising up and being responsible themselves.
5–Look for true heart change
We don’t see change when we accept the words of an apology and don’t expect a change of attitude and actions. When the kids say sorry but there is no heart change, when there is no understanding of what was wrong and why it was wrong, and no commitment to change then we are just hearing external performance. The kids will be comfortable with this standard because it gets them out of this discipline situation, and yet in the long run it will not produce the fruit in your child’s life that you so desire. Our children’s repentance needs to change their heart which will change their actions.
Read: Heart focused Parenting
So the next time you get frustrated with not seeing change in your child, not seeing results, ask yourself how are you going with these things.
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