One day this week when we had Little Miss here (respite foster care) she was playing outside and something happened and she hurt her finger.  Only minor – so minor I couldn’t see what she had done – but she came running to me, asking me to kiss it better.  I on a whim gobbled it up (as in, pretended to eat it) instead.  She was a little outraged – “don’t eat it! kiss it!”  So I kissed it, and she went back to play outside a happy little chickiddy.

 

This made me think.  Of course the scenario is repeated many many times with each of my own kids over the years.  This is what little kids do – they come running to mum to kiss away any pain – big or small.  It was her outrage – don’t eat it! – that made me think though.

 

What is it that they are asking for when they come running to mum asking to kiss it better?   They aren’t just asking for attention (if they were the gobble would have done it for her) – they are asking for empathy.

 

Empathy:  the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

 

Usually people talk about the benefits of being an empathetic parent in terms of being a role model to our kids, so that they can show empathy to others.  But sometimes we have to step back from the role of being a parent – and just be a person – picking up the responsibilities and right responses towards all we meet – including our children.

 

We need to show empathy to our children – not just to teach them – but because trying to be aware of and understand our children’s emotions is the loving thing to do.

[Tweet “We get tied up so much in being the parent, that we forget to be human.”]

To show empathy to anyone we need to stop what we are doing and focus on the other person – we need to listen and hear what they are saying, what they are really saying – we need to show compassion towards their need, not solutions towards their problem.

 

We need to pause and kiss the boo-boo.  Not because it makes anything better, not physically – but emotionally the hurt is recognised and cared for.  This is important in any relationship – including the relationship I have with my children, young and older.

 

The reason I gobbled that little finger was because I wanted to inject some humour into the situation and divert a meltdown.  Besides, the finger wasn’t really that hurt!  Reflecting on my response – it was so selfish, focused on what I wanted to move on with, not focusing on the other person.  Sure the other person’s response was unreasonable and out of proportion, but she needs to know I’m here for her – big and small.  Empathy today will reassure her of empathy tomorrow.

 

Empathy isn’t just for the times they feel pain – but whenever they have an emotion; highs and lows.  Can I be excited for my children, can I be anxious with them, can I enjoy the surprise beside them?

 

The challenge is to put aside my emotions about the situation and focus on them.  If I always bring my logic, my experience, my perspective and over-ride their’s I may consider myself to be practical, but I’m not showing empathy.  There will probably be time for practicality later – initially though empathy, understanding, compassion is what is needed.  Am I prepared to slow down and show them my love – or does it always have to be about moving on with solutions.

 

Though the situation that prompted my thinking has to do with a toddler/pre-schooler the same challenge is there for my teenager/young adult children.  Can I slowdown from all that is on my to-do list and enter their world for just a moment – just because I care?  Can I show them empathy, enter their emotions, and accept their ups and downs regardless of my opinion?  I hope so.

 

The flip side is that even though it may not be my motivation if my children receive empathy from me, they are learning how to show empathy to others.  But not everything in my life needs to be about them learning a lesson – sometimes I just need to be a caring human!

 

We need to show empathy to our children – not just to teach them – but because trying to be aware of and understand our children’s emotions is the loving thing to do.
Individual Education Planning Worksheets - brainstorming every area of your child's life.

Get your Planning Worksheets

I will email you the download link so you can start looking at all the different spheres of your child's life before you make any curriculum choices. 

The download link is on it's way.

An Alternative to Chocolate

An Alternative to Chocolate

Not that I have anything against chocolate - but these jelly beans can help your kids share the message of Jesus, his love, death and resurrection at Easter time.  

The download link is on it's way.

Parent Guide: How to make your Family Bible Study Really Work

Family Bible Study is Tricky with all the Different Ages

 

But there is a way to make this a rich learning and bonding family time.  This Guide includes tips, planning worksheet, and discussion prompts.  

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download yourCharacter Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download your Character Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

The download link is on it's way.

Download your Cheat Sheet

 

A quick reference to help you discern between a heart attitude and a lack of skill for when your child loses it!

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on its way.

Three things for parents to pray for in the Moment.

Make God your First Response

Print out this parenting reminder to call out to God in the middle of the moment.

I'm excited to share this download with you. Watch your inbox.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

 

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Our children hear different words when we react to when we respond. Do your children hear blah blah blah when you correct them? Includes a parenting poster.

Download Parenting Poster

 

When we Respond instead of React we find a way to deal with the heart not just behaviour.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Character Lesson Guide

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

When family relationships get tense - look for the niggles.

Heart Focused Parenting Resource for the Intentional Parent

 

Your download will arrive in your inbox shortly. 

Print it out and use to teach the hearts of your kids.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Hearts: Heart focus homeschool

Email Course

Daily emails  (6 days) to help you walk towards being a heart focused homeschool family!

You have joined the email course. Watch your email inbox!

Find ways to Re-engage your Student

Download this checklist and stir your child's curiosity

Watch your Inbox - the Checklist is on it's way!

Stay Heart Focused

 

When you parent the heart, the tone of your family will change. 


Weekly Heart Boost emails with practical and encouraging ideas to be heart focused in all areas of family life.

Thank you for inviting me to be a part of your family journey. I'll be in touch.

FREE Parenting Worksheet

This worksheet will help you move from addressing behaviour to really parenting the heart, one issue at a time.

 

 

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Parenting Support Library

Join now for extra and regular heart focus family living support.
Weekly emails and bonus content straight to your email inbox.

 

 

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Become a Better Parent

Personal growth starts with an honest assessment

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Give Effective Consequences

Think before you React

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

 

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

One Another Verses

Be Intentional in the Teen Years

Use this Cheat Sheet to remind you of how you can love your teen.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Devotion Response Kit cover

Download your Devotion Response Kit

5 prompts to encourage the heart of your child as they learn to respond to God's Word

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Download your copy

Download your copy

Blending Life and Lessons - and start your journey of changing your thinking about education.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Download: One Another Verses pdf

Download: One Another Verses pdf

Download this list of One Another verses and teach your children how to love others.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Raising Kids with Character

ATTEND LIVE : FREE PARENTING WORKSHOP

A bonus for Heart Booster readers:  Learn how to teach character to your kids so that they can live their lives making values-based choices.

 

Live Session:  5th May 2021, 6.30pm AWST

Replay available until 16th May 2021

 

I'm so excited about this workshop - thanks for joining me!

Raising Kids with Character

REPLAY OPTION : FREE PARENTING WORKSHOP

A bonus for Heart Booster readers:  Learn how to teach character to your kids so that they can live their lives making values-based choices.

 

Replay available from 6th May until 16th May 2021

 

I'm so excited about this workshop - thanks for joining me!

Raising Kids with Character

WAITLIST

 

The Raising Kids with Character parenting workshop will be offered again this year - details yet to be confirmed.  Join the waitlist so you don't miss out. 

I will keep in you in the loop as soon as decisions have been made!

Join Heart Boost and gain access to de•vot•ed free for 1 month

 

Connecting everyday living with the Word of God

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Bonus Reading list

 

Sharing my Homeschool Belief File

Knowing what you believe and why about education and homeschooling helps you make good decisions.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Success! Your email course will start shortly.

%d bloggers like this: