living with a toddler for 31 days buttonI’ve written on tantrums before so I’m just going to repost here today…

Tantrums can come in all shapes and sizes – all ages too.  A Tantrum is an external expression of not being happy – not getting your own way.  We are very familiar with the two-year-old tantrum but really any one of any age (including adults) can throw a tantrum – it will just look different.

In younger children a tantrum can be a lack of ability to control their emotions – which is why we often hear mother’s give the excuse “he’s just tired”.  And this is likely to be the truth.  Though we can go easy on our child when we know we have pushed them beyond reason not every tantrum falls into that context.  We need to assess their heart – is it circumstantial or is it a battle of the wills?  If it is circumstantial we still need to help them deal with their emotions and body appropriately.  The real tantrum comes though when their will is crossed.  They don’t want to and they want to let you know it.  Age has no barrier where this is concerned.

When Josh was just one year old I was visiting Melbourne and I saw a sad thing that impacted me and the way I handle tantrums – in a coffee shop a toddler threw a wobbly – he kicked his shoe off and it went flying across the room, landing on a table.  At this stage the mother snapped, walked out of the shop leaving her screaming child inside.  Suddenly the child realised he was alone and the look of sheer panic still makes me pause today.  Surely there had to be a better way.

But we are told to ignore our children’s tantrums – to walk away and leave them without an audience.  I decided then and there that I would find a way to deal with the tantrums and yet never put my child in that situation.  At home we can put them in their cot, send them to their room, and they are emotionally safe as well as physically safe – but for some reasons a lot of tantrums are thrown in public.

Josh didn’t throw many tantrums but the one I remember him throwing we were in Coles (as I said – they all happen in public, mostly when we are grocery shopping!)

  • I stopped doing what I was doing and prepared myself to deal with it
  • I knelt down and pulled him on my lap and held him
  • When he started to pull it together I whispered encouragement to him to find his self-control

I didn’t leave him, I didn’t negotiate with him, I didn’t get frustrated (or embarrassed).  Though he was being very unlovable at the time, I showed him that I still loved him, but at the same time he was being inappropriate.  When he calmed down, I got out of that store as quickly as I could (the groceries where no longer the most important thing to me).  Once in the car we talked about his heart – about his selfish heart that just wanted what he wanted.  We talked about what would have been the right response when I had said he couldn’t do whatever it was he was doing.  We went shopping again the next day so he could practice doing the right thing.

When I pulled my children onto my lap – if it was an issue of the will – I would have their back to my front.  My hold was a physical reminder of my love and yet it wasn’t a cuddle, rewarding them for their behaviour.  I have talked to a few mums who have been concerned that they would be hurt if they did this.  And that is true, some kids thrash around so much that this wouldn’t be wise.  My advice in those situations is to stay close.  Find another way to show physical love.

As our children grow older they may still throw the occasional tantrum.  As I said, it looks different – it may be a huff-puff, rolling the eyes, slamming the door, and yelling.  The same principles apply:

  • Stop doing what you are doing and deal with it
  • Show them that you love them, even if they are being unlovable (show – don’t tell).   Older children can be removed to their room though don’t forget they are there!!
  • Talk through it when they are ready and receptive (I remove all benefits of family life while they are working on getting to a place where they can talk to me)

Tantrums are the one thing that throws a normally calm mother into a tizz.  Why is this?  Because we are completely out of control of this child – they know it, we know it, and anyone around us knows it.  This is where we must take a deep breath and tell ourselves that it isn’t about me, it is about my child’s heart.  Do we have the moral fortitude to stick by our child and help them learn to handle disappointment and authority in a better way.   When we fall into the trap thinking that it is about me, the parent, then we will do anything we can to pacify and annul the situation (in order for us to feel better as a parent).  Instead we need to find a way to guide our child out of the tantrum, and towards a heart change.

You can see the rest of my Living with a Toddler for 31 days series here.

Or find more 31 day series here.

Individual Education Planning Worksheets - brainstorming every area of your child's life.

Get your Planning Worksheets

I will email you the download link so you can start looking at all the different spheres of your child's life before you make any curriculum choices. 

The download link is on it's way.

An Alternative to Chocolate

An Alternative to Chocolate

Not that I have anything against chocolate - but these jelly beans can help your kids share the message of Jesus, his love, death and resurrection at Easter time.  

The download link is on it's way.

Parent Guide: How to make your Family Bible Study Really Work

Family Bible Study is Tricky with all the Different Ages

 

But there is a way to make this a rich learning and bonding family time.  This Guide includes tips, planning worksheet, and discussion prompts.  

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download yourCharacter Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download your Character Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

The download link is on it's way.

Download your Cheat Sheet

 

A quick reference to help you discern between a heart attitude and a lack of skill for when your child loses it!

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on its way.

Three things for parents to pray for in the Moment.

Make God your First Response

Print out this parenting reminder to call out to God in the middle of the moment.

I'm excited to share this download with you. Watch your inbox.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

 

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Our children hear different words when we react to when we respond. Do your children hear blah blah blah when you correct them? Includes a parenting poster.

Download Parenting Poster

 

When we Respond instead of React we find a way to deal with the heart not just behaviour.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Character Lesson Guide

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

When family relationships get tense - look for the niggles.

Heart Focused Parenting Resource for the Intentional Parent

 

Your download will arrive in your inbox shortly. 

Print it out and use to teach the hearts of your kids.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Hearts: Heart focus homeschool

Email Course

Daily emails  (6 days) to help you walk towards being a heart focused homeschool family!

You have joined the email course. Watch your email inbox!

Find ways to Re-engage your Student

Download this checklist and stir your child's curiosity

Watch your Inbox - the Checklist is on it's way!

FREE Parenting Worksheet

This worksheet will help you move from addressing behaviour to really parenting the heart, one issue at a time.

 

 

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Parenting Support Library

Join now for extra and regular heart focus family living support.
Weekly emails and bonus content straight to your email inbox.

 

 

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Become a Better Parent

Personal growth starts with an honest assessment

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Give Effective Consequences

Think before you React

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

 

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

One Another Verses

Be Intentional in the Teen Years

Use this Cheat Sheet to remind you of how you can love your teen.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Devotion Response Kit cover

Download your Devotion Response Kit

5 prompts to encourage the heart of your child as they learn to respond to God's Word

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Prepare a Heart focused Christmas

 

Free email course

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download your copy

Download your copy

Blending Life and Lessons - and start your journey of changing your thinking about education.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Download: One Another Verses pdf

Download: One Another Verses pdf

Download this list of One Another verses and teach your children how to love others.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Raising Kids with Character

ATTEND LIVE : FREE PARENTING WORKSHOP

A bonus for Heart Booster readers:  Learn how to teach character to your kids so that they can live their lives making values-based choices.

 

Live Session:  5th May 2021, 6.30pm AWST

Replay available until 16th May 2021

 

I'm so excited about this workshop - thanks for joining me!

Raising Kids with Character

REPLAY OPTION : FREE PARENTING WORKSHOP

A bonus for Heart Booster readers:  Learn how to teach character to your kids so that they can live their lives making values-based choices.

 

Replay available from 6th May until 16th May 2021

 

I'm so excited about this workshop - thanks for joining me!

Raising Kids with Character

WAITLIST

 

The Raising Kids with Character parenting workshop will be offered again this year - details yet to be confirmed.  Join the waitlist so you don't miss out. 

I will keep in you in the loop as soon as decisions have been made!

Join Heart Boost and gain access to de•vot•ed free for 1 month

 

Connecting everyday living with the Word of God

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

Bonus Reading list

 

Sharing my Homeschool Belief File

Knowing what you believe and why about education and homeschooling helps you make good decisions.

Thanks for being here! Your download link is on it's way.

%d bloggers like this: