This is a crazy busy time of year.  There are end of year wrap ups as well as Christmas focused events.  There family happenings and church events, work do’s, and club parties all filling our diaries.  This is all added to our everyday ordinary day life as well because that doesn’t really stop.

When life has these extra events it is easy to shift our focus from our children to the event. This could be anything from a birthday party, to redecorating the house, to having visitors, going on holidays or celebrating Christmas; extra events that come along, adding to our daily life. It is hard to balance intentional training and cope with the extras on our to-do list.

If we don’t though, we lose ground with our children very quickly. It doesn’t take long for our children to start to feel a little unsettled with the extra freedoms they have. It doesn’t take long for them to start pushing buttons. It doesn’t take long for them to be hyped up and out of control. It doesn’t take long before we too loose our cool as a parent!

The Effect of Distraction

When we get distracted with all the other things on our to-do list we forget to help our children do the right thing.

This is what our job is all about – to help our children do the right thing. While our children are developing their own moral where-with-all our job is to help them make right choices. We help them get enough sleep for the day by having a set bed times. We help them play constructively by limiting the amount of toys out at any one time. We help them be responsible by having chore time. These are boundaries we put around our children to help them do the right thing – but if we get busy we forget to put those boundaries around them and they simply can’t cope! Their ratty behaviour is their way of showing us this. They need those boundaries.

5 Tips to Balance Life and Training Hearts

So how do we maintain order in our children’s lives and yet do the things we need to do?

1–First we need to review our commitments – have we considered our family as we fill our diaries, are all the events in our diary important; are they consistent with our family purpose or are they just meeting other people’s expectations?

2–We need to consider our standards. I know we are to aim for excellence, and we are to do well with all we put our hand to – but at what cost. I would rather do excellent in my relationships than excellent in the works of my hands. Housework, cooking, decorating is all works. Yes, these things can bless my family but we need to keep it in balance. When I snap at my child and then serve a beautiful meal, I can’t kid myself that my child is going to enjoy even a mouthful of that food. Their heart will be hurting and no fine gourmet is going to fix that!

I need to ask myself does my standard of housekeeping stop me from playing dress-ups and building castles with my children? Does the idea of being organised and tidy hinder the interaction with family members everyday? We need to realise that we are not defined by our housework, our ability to cook or decorate – they are tools we use to create a home, but first of all a home needs relationships.

3–In busy times we need to maintain a skeleton of normality. This skeleton will look different depending on the ages of your children. But for example, meal times and rest times (including bedtimes) are a good foundation for a skeleton routine. Meals may be in a different location, rest time maybe in the car but we can still give our children these boundaries. In our family food, rest and family time are the keys to maintaining balance at crazy times.

4–Maintain your own personal calm. Time with God, food, rest, and conversation with your spouse – these are top of my list for personal calm. The trick is to make time for them. Ironically we always seem to have time for the things we deem important at the moment. Do we deem these things as important – do we value them highly or are they just good things we know we should do? Our attitude to these things will determine how consistent we are with them – which will then affect our calm. The old maxim – we always make time for the things we value.  What do we value?

5—Be heart focused – not behaviour focused.  We must be committed to the heart of our children – regardless of the cost, regardless of the inconvenience, regardless of the humility. Talking to the heart of a child is time consuming, and yet we keep on a merry-go-round of frustration when we just demand good behaviour from our kids.

Talking at heart level means that when a conflict or issues arises, I will walk away from what I am doing and help my child. It means I will explain our family values, I will show my kids what it looks like in their life, I will help them practice it, I will help them own these values for themselves.  It means that I will have to put aside other things, maybe even other people for the sake of my child’s heart.

Our children need us to pause in our busyness and help them do the right thing. We have to decide what is more important to us – this event or our child’s heart.

0 Comments

Any thoughts?

Throughout the week I share with other blogs – check out my Link ups and Party page

Even though we get caught up in crazy busy times our children's heart still needs our attention.

Be Intentional

 Every week I'll email an encouragement to stay intentional and relational in all your family life.  But for now, download your set of reminder posters - posters which I've used over the years to remind me to keep my eyes and heart on what is important.

Thank you for joining me. You have successfully subscribed and will receive an email from me shortly. (You never know which folder emails will land in so keep an eye out for my "Thank you" email.) Stay in touch... Belinda - Live life with your Kids!

Download your worksheet and start working on your family vision statement.

Get the Family Vision Worksheet

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Individual Education Planning Worksheets - brainstorming every area of your child's life.

Get your Planning Worksheets

I will email you the download link so you can start looking at all the different spheres of your child's life before you make any curriculum choices. 

The download link is on it's way.

Get a copy of the Jelly Bean Story

I will email you a download link.  You can print and share this story with your kids and their friends.

The download link is on it's way.

This parent guide helps parents plan family bible study and use discussion techniques to teach the important lessons.

Bible study Guide for Parents

Guide includes tips, planning worksheet, and discussion prompts. I will email you a download link.  

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Obedience looks a bit different as our kids grow older. Download this parent/teen discussion guide to understand this issue of obedience in teen years.

Download your Free Discussion Guide

Don't assume your kids are rebelling - instead talk to them about what Obedience looks like now they are older.  I will email you a download link.  

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download yourCharacter Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download your Character Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

The download link is on it's way.

Over 20 different verbal expressions divided into heart or self control to help parents discern these behaviours.

Download your Cheat Sheet

I will send you the link to download this cheat sheet that will help you discern between a heart attitude and a lack of skill.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

 

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Our children hear different words when we react to when we respond. Do your children hear blah blah blah when you correct them? Includes a parenting poster.

Download Parenting Poster

 

When we Respond instead of React we find a way to deal with the heart not just behaviour.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Free email course -

6 days straight to your inbox!

 

 

Plan a Christmas that touches the heart of your family.

Thank you for being here - you will receive an email shortly.

Pin It on Pinterest