copyright www.123rf.com

Relationships are important.  In our family we want to both work towards good relationships as well as protect them.  But things always go wrong – someone gets hurt feelings and we have a relational issue on our hands.

We have always taught our children that when they have hurt someone they need to apologise and ask for forgiveness.  But of course, they don’t always want to.  Should we force them to?  If we want to see changed behaviour then then it makes sense that we should force them to apologise even if they did do it on purpose, and aren’t sorry at all!  On the other hand….If we are going for the heart we need a different perspective.  Saying sorry is the right thing to do, but having the right heart doing the right thing is where we really want our children to be.

Our job as parents is to help our child (the offending child) to process what they did, why it was wrong, and what the outcome of their actions were (a hurt sibling) and how they are going to fix it.

Reaching our kids hearts is helping them change their beliefs – change from walking in the flesh (doing what they want to do –lash out and hurt their sibling) to walking in the spirit (doing what God wants them to do, show patience and self control).  We want them to come to a place where they can say, like Paul, wretched man that I am!!  The things I don’t want to do, I do….  This is their heart recognising that they need to change.  A real ‘sorry’ can only come once we are at this point.

Saying sorry instantly is often a reaction, maybe even a protective reaction so they don’t get into trouble.  But it doesn’t change their heart.

I don’t know about you but for me, if I have had a bad attitude towards someone, and I am challenged about that, it can take me a while to come to a place where I can acknowledge I was wrong, and that I don’t want to walk that path any more.  Our children are just the same.  They need time to recognise what is going on in their heart and the implications of that.  They need time to recognise that they were wrong and they need to take steps towards putting it right.

Next time your child isn’t really sorry – give him time to sort it out.  Send him to a quiet spot where he can reflect on his heart, reflect on God’s ways and come to a place where he wants to walk in God’s ways, where he is willing to humble himself and put relationships right.  As parents we cannot force heart responses, we can only make the way for that to happen.

Read more about Forgiveness over on my website:  Lifestyle-Homeschool

Be Intentional

 Every week I'll email an encouragement to stay intentional and relational in all your family life.  But for now, download your set of reminder posters - posters which I've used over the years to remind me to keep my eyes and heart on what is important.

Thank you for joining me. You have successfully subscribed and will receive an email from me shortly. (You never know which folder emails will land in so keep an eye out for my "Thank you" email.) Stay in touch... Belinda - Live life with your Kids!

Download your worksheet and start working on your family vision statement.

Get the Family Vision Worksheet

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Individual Education Planning Worksheets - brainstorming every area of your child's life.

Get your Planning Worksheets

I will email you the download link so you can start looking at all the different spheres of your child's life before you make any curriculum choices. 

The download link is on it's way.

Get a copy of the Jelly Bean Story

I will email you a download link.  You can print and share this story with your kids and their friends.

The download link is on it's way.

This parent guide helps parents plan family bible study and use discussion techniques to teach the important lessons.

Bible study Guide for Parents

Guide includes tips, planning worksheet, and discussion prompts. I will email you a download link.  

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Obedience looks a bit different as our kids grow older. Download this parent/teen discussion guide to understand this issue of obedience in teen years.

Download your Free Discussion Guide

Don't assume your kids are rebelling - instead talk to them about what Obedience looks like now they are older.  I will email you a download link.  

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download yourCharacter Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download your Character Certificates

Though true character is driven by internal motivation, our children will appreciate when we see that they are growing in character.

The download link is on it's way.

Over 20 different verbal expressions divided into heart or self control to help parents discern these behaviours.

Download your Cheat Sheet

I will send you the link to download this cheat sheet that will help you discern between a heart attitude and a lack of skill.

Thanks for being here! The download link is on it's way.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Grow in Character Worksheets

You will receive an email shortly with the details. Watch your inbox.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

The download link is on it's way.

Download Parenting Poster

Download Parenting Poster

 

Learn to respond to your child in a way that changes their heart.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Our children hear different words when we react to when we respond. Do your children hear blah blah blah when you correct them? Includes a parenting poster.

Download Parenting Poster

 

When we Respond instead of React we find a way to deal with the heart not just behaviour.

 

I will email you the download link.

Thank you for being here - your download link will arrive shortly.

Pin It on Pinterest